Learning to Fly

On my mind...

I think that I am writing this in hopes that I can finally come to peace with the situation that’s weighing heavily on my mind.  I’ve mentioned before how I’ve recently made some changes pertaining to the people that I choose to have in my life.  I thought that the people that I once called my friends were not bad people, but that they were just bad for me.  Turns out that that’s not really the case, and I’m letting it irritate me on such an intense level that I’m getting pissed at myself.  

So, when I decided to cut ties with my former group of friends, I did not want to do so in a overly dramatic way.  I decided it would instead be better if I gradually stopped returning calls, hanging out, etc.  My goal was to be finally no longer included in their plans, not because there was a big rift among us, but because we had drifted apart.  So, I implemented that plan and to my surprise, it worked.  I had no ill will towards them, and I assumed (later learned wrongly) that they felt the same about me.  And it stayed this way for about three months.

Then it started to fall apart.  Now, I’m almost embarrassed to explain the nature of their attacks, but sadly yes, they were via Facebook.  It started by them posting comments that were subtly about me on each other’s walls (yay for girls being passive aggressive).  Although it was difficult, I channelled my mom’s words of wisdom and decided to take the high road.  To me, that meant removing them from my list of friends without further explanation.  I guess they were bound and determined to still get under my skin.  I’m not going to explain all of the details, but since we have (or had) mutual friends, they still decided to find ways to try to piss me off/hurt my feelings/get under my skin.  Again, I decided to ignore it.

I know, I know.  They are pathetic and all of this just speaks to the fact that I made a good decision.  So, why does it bother me so much?  I’ve moved into a different place in life and I’m truly happy.  Why am I still thinking about it?  Maybe I’m mad at myself for staying friends with them so long.  Maybe I realize the extremeness of their lack of maturity.  Their actions have provoked so many questions.  I guess I’ve never had people go out of their way to be so mean to me.  At age 24 I guess I wrongly assumed that those days were gone.  My mom says that people never grow up they just grow old.  I’m beginning to think it’s true.

I can’t think of a way to end this entry, and I think that just mirrors the fact that I still have not come to a resolution with this situation.  I guess the only thing to do is to move forward.

What makes me loathe driving in Chicago in the summer?

What I am smiling about right now:

I’m in a foul mood right now, so to attempt to bring myself out of it, I am going to look at what I am smiling about.

• Two successful interviews in the last two days
  
• Two successful recipes in the last two days (after so many failed recipes I took a two month hiatus from cooking)
• I found the cutest earrings at Forever 21 today for like $4
• Looking forward to a relaxing day tomorrow
• I planned out my detox diet
• My roommate and I are going to start working out together
• I have great people in my life now, seriously (after a loooong time of having crappy people in my life, I’ve let people back in and cut people out and it was the best decision I could have made)
• My mom is having a blast in Paris right now (you may be wondering why I’m smiling about this since I’M not in Paris right now, but when people I love smile, I smile)